I’ve been in the dating scene, specifically on the internet (looking for love and hooking up, respectively), for the last two and a half years. I’ve met and gone out with a whole lot of people, from the most socially insecure to the most confident, and there are some things they all have in common, as well as some things they may have to work on. As it relates to dating, they are all missing something: they might not know what that thing is, but they sure do need it.
The Commonalities
What was the most striking thing about me and all the people I’ve dated? They’re all pretty interesting. Sure, that doesn’t mean we’ve all got the same skills or interests, but they’re all pretty awesome, and there’s something about them that really makes a guy or girl be up for someone new.
These are all pretty obvious and common traits that apply to people who are looking for serious dating (or casual, I don’t discriminate):
They’re good listeners
Regardless of what sort of person they are, they seem to listen. I’ve dated some awesome guys, but I also know that it’s really easy for me to shut down and be closed off when it comes to talking to people. Basically, I get really bad anxiety around this whole thing, and I generally don’t like to talk.
These guys, though, tend to be just fine at staying quiet and letting me talk, even if I don’t say much. I’m not saying they sit there and nod their head in agreement (sounds like they’d end up nodding their heads in agreement too often), but I do get the impression that they’re in a place where they’re willing to just listen.
They really listen
I’m pretty good at analyzing people, but on the other hand, I’m bad at reading between the lines. Of course, no one’s perfect, and I definitely have some significant blind spots, but for the most part, I’m pretty good at figuring out the truth behind what someone’s trying to say. On the other hand, even the best listeners are guilty of misspeaking. I have talked to guys who were so perfect at listening that they gave off a feeling of insincerity when they really weren’t. That’s the thing with people—unless we really know them, it’s hard to tell the difference between sincerity and insincerity. The good listeners take the time to understand what someone is really saying, https://www.zhitomir-matchmaking.com/best_hookup_search_in_ukraine_-_get_laid_with_sexy_kiev_models.html
Set Yourself Up for a Good First Date
The average person works 40 hours per week with 20 hours of commuting time on top of that. They work so hard to provide for their family, but they have time to be social in the evening. We won’t even discuss the exhaustion factor of waiting for a response from a dating site, and finding a match with the New-New-New phone.
So now you’re out with your friends until 12 or two a.m., trying to make conversation and learn about the other person while you sulk and worry about reaching that elusive person who will make your life complete. Then, BAM! They hit send and you’re left face-first in the dust. If you’re looking for a relationship, you need to be a little more prepared.
Go out for a little while before your date to get to know a little more about the person. Go to a casual activity like a play or art gallery to get to know them a little better. Going to a concert, a play, or the movies can be fun. Try and find a venue that is light-hearted—like an art gallery, concert, etc. If you find yourself getting too emotionally invested in a place, chances are you’ll find yourself debating the possibility of asking someone out there and making it awkward. Do your best to make sure the venue is one that is comfortable with alcohol and any issues with marijuana if it’s legal where you live. It should be clear how alcohol is handled and if you’re supposed to have a designated driver, etc.
The date should be fun. You want to do something you’ve done before and that has served you well. Maybe you have a friend who has a lot of experience with dating and if so, maybe you can ask that friend. You don’t have to go out in the traditional way—like a bar or restaurant. Maybe you can go to a museum, a play, to a concert. If you’re in New York City, you can always go to the theater. The point is to get to know the other person.
Make sure to check the weather. It’s a great way to feel comfortable with someone you don’t know. Going to a restaurant that has a big window will let you see how the weather is that day and if the weather will be bad, you can adjust your plans. If the weather is good and there’s little chance of rain, plan on going to a museum. You can see the weather in
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